Breaking bad news

Bugger. Bugger. Bugger.
I am so annoyed with myself.

My dad has been in hospital for two weeks, following a dense stroke. The way I found out about
this was horrible.

On the 19th May, I was on a phlebotomomy course at my local hospital which is 10 minutes away from home and 5 minutes away from my mums house. My mum was on holiday so i decided to walk the three dogs around to her house so that I could go there at lunch time and walk them around the block. When I got there at lunch time, I had a look through all of the post which had mounted up in the hall. There was a postcard there from my dad's brother which said "Charlie is on trumpton ward - cerebral haemorrage"

When I read this, the world froze and stood still for a while. My dad is extremely fit and 59 years old. I couldn't comprehend what was written, so I telephoned the ward. The conversation I had with the ward "Nurse" who answered will stay with me forever as a shining example of how not to communicate. I explained about the postcard and got silence in reply. I asked what had happened to my dad (I do nurse-bank work in the casualty department next door to this ward and they do know me as an associate). She replied that she was unable to tell me (Fair enough but not particularly good when your world is crumbling) so I said "It says here that my dad has had a brain haemorrage, is this what has happened?" I could actually hear the snigger in her voice as she said "Something like that, you will have to come to the ward"

So go the ward I did.....another nurse met me and I explained the postcard story. She told me that my dad had had a really bad stroke and could I go and sit in the corridor whilst she was doing the ward handover? I sat in the corridor for 40 minutes. I just wanted to see my dad (The last time I has seen him, three weeks before he was roofing a house, moaning and smoking).

Having been a nurse for ten years I understand the way that wards work, but now on the other side for the first time I understood what people go through when someone close to them becomes ill. I got quite angry at this point and all but barged into the ward to see him.

For a few days after, the shock of how I had found out about his stroke really haunted me. It is two weeks later now and the shock has passed, but I promised myself that I would remember how bad I felt and try harder to empathise when dealing with relatives who are going through this.

So what did i do this morning? I really buggered things up. My mum rang from Heathrow to say she was back from holiday and waiting for a flight to Manchester. What did i do? I told her about my dad's stroke. It just came out and I never expected that she would get so upset. Even after the experience that I had, I ignored the shock factor and told her. What a stupid thing to have done when she is stuck away from home. I just can't believe how stupid I have been. So now, she will be upset all the way home and her friends will be annoyed at how cruel I was to tell her over the phone when she is away.

My mum and dad were married for 25 years and divorced about 18 years ago, but have always stayed in touch. I wouldn't describe them as friends really, just people who have known each other most of their lives and have no reason not to stay in touch.

I will try to finsh work early today and go home to see her. I will make myself remember how hard the past two weeks have been for me and remember that she too is going to have a rough time whilst the impact of what has happened sinks in.

I don't know why I am writing all of this down. Perhaps it should feel cathartic - it is upsetting to write and if I am honest, I don' t think that I will want to read about this dark time in the future.

If anyone is reading this though and you have a mum and dad who are fit and well and going about their mundane, normal daily business, take a few minutes out to chat to them today.

I would give anything now to be able to call my dad and have a normal, everyday chat with him.