Oh shite - how things have changed since my last entry, when GP land all seemed so good. I didn't know if I would write about this but I am going to because it has had such a profound effect on me.
On the first week of this placement, I was timetabled to do a clinic with a GP whom I hadn't met. Before I went in, a few of the receptionists commented that the GP was a bit of an odd one but I thought nothing of it and went in like a lamb to the slaughter. My first impressions of him: "Who is this knob"
This guy ripped me to shreds in front of every patient. Nothing I said was right - he even picked me up on how I pronounced "gastrocnemius" (Apparently I did not say the "c" succinctly enough) He also told me off for wearing gloves to test a urine sample (WTF???!!)("Why are you wearing gloves - you could drink that urine")
Even after one clinic with him, my self confidence was battered - I stayed on a downer all night. The next day, I was back in medical school for training, and a different GP and my fellow students watched a video of one of my consultations. The GP made me stop my video three times, asking who this GP was and why he kept interupting me. I later had a call from the medical school to say that they were concerned with what they had seen and did I want to do anything about it.
Now it is worth me reminding you that I am no spring chicken - I am actually the same age as this GP. I am not a complainer because I feel that in medical school, complainers get labelled as problem children. I decided not to do anything about him but to give it time and see if things settled (I am starting to sound like a proper GP)
I also felt that the knob had a point - I did not know as much as I should have.
So over the next three weeks, I continued to turn up and his behaviour towards me became progressively worse. The culmination was this week, when I sat on the sofa and decided that I was not clever enough to do medicine. I was pretty much at rock bottom and realised that this chap had managed to bring me so low that I had lost every shred of my confidence.
So I finally did something - I told the practice that I couldn't do any more clinics with him. I now feel like the problem child that I knew I would feel like but the thought of sitting in his clinics is so horrific that I will put up with it.
It amazes me that knobs like this can have profound effects on us when we are adults. I would have thought that as you get older, your ability to cope with these characters gets better and I would not have thought that at my age, working with this bloke could have been so detrimental to me. I also realise that although my medical knowledge is...shall we say sparse in many areas, this is actually OK because I am only a 2nd year medical student!
The conclusion of this is that I have hated this placement. The other GP's have been brilliant with me, but I have a bad taste in my mouth because I feel that they all know what he is like and decided to put me with him anyway.
PS. As from yesterday, I am no longer a rectal exam virgin. EEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
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