Oh shite - how things have changed since my last entry, when GP land all seemed so good. I didn't know if I would write about this but I am going to because it has had such a profound effect on me.
On the first week of this placement, I was timetabled to do a clinic with a GP whom I hadn't met. Before I went in, a few of the receptionists commented that the GP was a bit of an odd one but I thought nothing of it and went in like a lamb to the slaughter. My first impressions of him: "Who is this knob"
This guy ripped me to shreds in front of every patient. Nothing I said was right - he even picked me up on how I pronounced "gastrocnemius" (Apparently I did not say the "c" succinctly enough) He also told me off for wearing gloves to test a urine sample (WTF???!!)("Why are you wearing gloves - you could drink that urine")
Even after one clinic with him, my self confidence was battered - I stayed on a downer all night. The next day, I was back in medical school for training, and a different GP and my fellow students watched a video of one of my consultations. The GP made me stop my video three times, asking who this GP was and why he kept interupting me. I later had a call from the medical school to say that they were concerned with what they had seen and did I want to do anything about it.
Now it is worth me reminding you that I am no spring chicken - I am actually the same age as this GP. I am not a complainer because I feel that in medical school, complainers get labelled as problem children. I decided not to do anything about him but to give it time and see if things settled (I am starting to sound like a proper GP)
I also felt that the knob had a point - I did not know as much as I should have.
So over the next three weeks, I continued to turn up and his behaviour towards me became progressively worse. The culmination was this week, when I sat on the sofa and decided that I was not clever enough to do medicine. I was pretty much at rock bottom and realised that this chap had managed to bring me so low that I had lost every shred of my confidence.
So I finally did something - I told the practice that I couldn't do any more clinics with him. I now feel like the problem child that I knew I would feel like but the thought of sitting in his clinics is so horrific that I will put up with it.
It amazes me that knobs like this can have profound effects on us when we are adults. I would have thought that as you get older, your ability to cope with these characters gets better and I would not have thought that at my age, working with this bloke could have been so detrimental to me. I also realise that although my medical knowledge is...shall we say sparse in many areas, this is actually OK because I am only a 2nd year medical student!
The conclusion of this is that I have hated this placement. The other GP's have been brilliant with me, but I have a bad taste in my mouth because I feel that they all know what he is like and decided to put me with him anyway.
PS. As from yesterday, I am no longer a rectal exam virgin. EEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
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7 comments:
First of all, well done for doing something about it.
Secondly, yes, there are gaps in your knowledge but as you said yourself, you're a 2nd year. If you were in your final year things would be different but you're nowhere near finished yet. Don't be so hard on yourself.
It's interesting that the medical school felt that his behaviour was off. This in itself tells me that you're not just complaining because someone was 'mean' to you. I'm sure everyone can think back to a teacher at school who made them feel like shit, and we all know that the problem there was with the teacher and his/her inadequacies and nothing to do with us as students.
Finally, the way I see it is that you were placed with this tosser because you're a mature student. I reckon the people at the practice thought he wouldn't get away with as much with you. He's probably been doing this to students for years and I'll bet you're the first one to do something about it. I'm not saying it's right to put you in that position but if any good can come of this it's that he won't get to do this to anyone else.
Chin up. You're not crap and you're not stupid. You've got more compassion in your little finger that he's got in his entire body. He might know more than you - and I should bloody well hope so - but you know more about dealing with human beings and that's the sort of doctor I want looking after me.
*Hugs*. What an awful experience. Heres hoping the next preceptor is not malignant like that.
Please be aware that people (tossers) who demean you like this have a serious problem of their own - they get to feel superior by demeaning others. I have been a nurse for 30 yrs and have met many docs like this - like to use nurses to vent their rage, inadequacy or general narkiness on. At least it was videod and theres the proof - its not you its him ... so...take it as a learning experience and move on. Good luck! Dont give up!! Grit your teeth and become a doctor!!!!! Dx
You poor thing :( Hugs.
I had to laugh though: "Why are you wearing gloves - you could drink that urine" Excellent! lol.
Thanks for the comment on my blog, I have read yours since the start, when I was a student nurse and was banging on about the madness at Uni, I was reading your blog and thinking "Someday!"
Anyways, take care of yourself and forget about the nutters in Primary Care! :)
He sounds like a bully. Don't let him put you off general practice - it was a good experience as a medical student that took me down the road to GP land and it's a great place to be. And by and large most GPs are really nice people (but I would say that, wouldn't I?)...
I've just read through your entire blog and am loving it!
I would love to do the Graduate Entry Medicine but have totally gone down the wrong path by doing a law degree and PhD. I start my first permanent job in September but really wish I could be starting a medical degree!
Ah well, between my own title of Dr now and all the medical blogs I read I will just have to live vicariously through you all and try not to become too depressed about it.
Fiona
i were searching for an inspiration to do medicine after my nursing degree...however i am grateful to have someone to follow
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